Sara, I know exactly what you mean. I have gotten the same thing from both of the boyfriends I've had while I've been ana.
"I'm worried about you because you still worry about your weight, not because you're thin enough to worry about. If you were really in trouble, you'd be way thinner."
I've heard that the whole time I've been ana. "You're too fat to be anorexic." "You eat too much to be anorexic." "It's not like you're rail-thin or anything." This makes me want to drag out my ana trophies: "Yeah, but I had a heart attack two years ago," "Yeah, but I also go days without eating anything," "Yeah, but I used to have a BMI of 17 and I'm more obsessed now than I was then."
I want to grab him by his shoulders, look into his eyes, and say, "Look. This disease is in my head, not in my body. I can point you to hundreds of girls on LJ who are overweight or obese and who are as anorexic as they come. Many anorexic girls die while they're still overweight, because, due to potassium and magnesium imbalances from starvation, their hearts cannot support their bodies. If you wait until a girl looks like she's dying, she's already as good as dead."
When I finally broke down and went to a doctor for help two years ago, I confessed that I was anorexic. He weighed me, looked me up and down, and said, "Well, it looks like you've lost a lot of weight since last year. You look great! You were towards the high side of a normal weight, but now you don't have anything to worry about."
I pointed to the weight chart on the wall. "By your own chart, I'm now nine pounds medically underweight. I'm telling you that I've been starving myself and I want help."
"Relax," he said. "You've probably just been taking things too seriously. Just stop your diet, but make sure everything stays under control. The main challenge in going off a diet is making sure old habits don't return. You don't want all that weight coming back in two months now, do you?"
"You don't understand," I said. "I eat one frozen dinner every day, nothing more, and I work out two or three hours a day. I'm underweight. I know what anorexia is, because I have it."
"That's great; I work out forty-five minutes a day when I get a chance. Anyway, you're not anorexic. If you were, you'd be at least ten pounds lighter."
I cannot believe there are still medical professionals out there who tell girls that they're too fat to be anorexic... but, now that I think about it, it WAS a very effective form of inspiration.