CW: 130ish (no scale these days)
I'm going to take the risk of coming off as a complete grump and start with a mini-rant.
Some people around me know that I'm anorexic. Some can't accept that I am, because my weight is healthy and my hips are big. The ones who do believe me only act differently when I'm not eating. They feel the need to "save me". However, if I let them see me eat one single thing, they relax and assume things are great. Then, the next week or so, when they see that I'm not eating again, they say things like "Whoa! I thought things were going so well! I thought you were all better."
Now, I'm definitely not one of those anorexics who needs people around her to be afraid and take notice. I don't do it to control other people. But it's so laughable, so shallow: people tend to equate the disorder with the behavior. As if we couldn't be anorexics if we eat a bowl of soup and a cup of yogurt in the evenings. As if we couldn't be anorexics if we ever once lose control for a weekend and gain a few pounds. As if, as long as they see us place one paltry morsel between our lips every day, they have no further duty to "save us".
Once we get thin enough for people to be seriously afraid, the disorder has already progressed beyond saving. Once we start to look as sick as we actually are, it's far too late.
Think about it. Let's assume I weigh 130 now. Let's assume, further, that I can restrict at 800 calories per day, with a 500 calorie workout. Accounting for occasional exhaustion/loss of control, that means (for me) that I'll lose approximately two pounds per week after the initial big drop. (I've been doing this for a long time, so I know what to expect.) At 110 I look great, or so everyone tells me. At 100 I'd probably look a little sick, and people would worry. That's fifteen weeks of hard starvation, or nearly a third of a year. Fifteen weeks deeper into this illness before people start to wonder if they should talk to me.
It's a good thing I don't want the attention, girls, because I'd have a very long road ahead of me.
Anyone else in the same boat?